Weekend Humor: Dear Beyoncé, Thank You For Banning Us

Image from ru-crazy.com

Image from ru-crazy.com

Weekend Humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. So don’t, ya rube.

In a surprising, but not unwelcome decision, Beyoncé banned all professional photographers from future concerts in an attempt to prevent terrifically unflattering images from leaking into the public sphere. Lost in a deluge of remixes, the original image looked something like her attempt to go Super Saiyan, or something like it. She’s muscular. She’s fit. We get it. The ban elicited a massive shrug from the photography world. Many even thanked her as she seemed to uphold Kennedy’s dictum: Ask not what your photographer can do for you, but what you can do for your photographer.


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Weekend Humor: Nikon Taps Gilbert Gottfried for Spokespersonship

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Weekend Humor is not meant to be taken seriously. So don’t.

With the recent announcement of Ashton Kutcher’s departure, Nikon lost its key demographic of 14 to 18 year old girls and fans of the movie “The Butterfly Effect”. Both the photography and entertainment worlds were abuzz with speculation about who would take up the mantle that Kutcher left behind. Joseph Gordon Levitt, Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Tom Hiddleston, and Alexander Skarsgard all said, “Hahahaha, no.” With all of the heartthrobs already earning paychecks and the rest of Hollywood’s stable of actors shrugging at the offer, Nikon only had one person to whom they could turn. Gilbert Gottfried. Continue reading…

Weekend Humor: Canon Releases DSLR Shell for Point & Shoot Cameras to Help Users Feel Less Insecure

Photo courtesy of AP and Microsoft Paint

Photo courtesy of AP and Microsoft Paint

Weekend Humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. So don’t, ya rube.

Size does matter, it seems, at least when it comes to a would-be photographer’s insecurity about the $200 point & shoot (s)he purchased on Amazon. Recently, there has been a clamor for Canon to do something to help lift the spirits of its point & shoot consumer base. A quick peek in the Amazon reviews of such cameras or the comments section of Photobucket will tell anyone that the owners of these cameras feel lacking when they put their work on the web for the world to see. Heeding the call of its flock, Canon ramped up production of the EOShell, a DSLR-sized case into which folks can pop their PowerShots. Continue reading…

Weekend Humor: iPhone App “Selfie” Offers Snarky Commentary for Self-Portraitists

iPhone 5 Trygger Camera Clip

Weekend Humor isn’t supposed to be taken seriously. So don’t. We’re serious.

Maxine Williams is a self-professed “self-iPhone-ographer”. Ever since she acquired her iPhone 5 in October, every photo she’s taken has been of herself. Her friends aren’t sure if she even knows that there’s a front-facing camera, but whenever they’ve tried to raise the point that she takes far too many self-portraits, she’d bare her teeth and growl. So, when the “Selfie” was featured in the App store last week, Maxine downloaded it immediately. Selfie’s developer touts it as the “#1 app for self-portraitists”, but they failed to mention that the app talks to you while you take a photo. The commentary left Maxine in shambles

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Weekend Humor: Take Your Child to Work Day Backfired Horribly at B&H as Children Got Lost in the Conveyor System

Chris Gampat BHInsight B&H Event Space (4 of 10)

Weekend Humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. So don’t. We’re serious.

For years, B&H would not allow its employees to join thousands of other institutions on Take Your Child to Work Day. The higher-ups at the photo megalopolis felt that it would distract the floor employees, and more importantly, they’d have to buy more bags of that candy that everyone sees but no one eats. In an effort to promote the image of a family-friendly environment, the head honchos gave Take Your Child to Work Day the green light, but they had it take place the Thursday before Passover, five weeks ahead of schedule. With Easter right around the corner, Catholic camera consumption slumped, so having kids on the floor would have been less detrimental. The grand masters of B&H did not, however, think that the bloody conveyor system would have been an issue.

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Weekend Humor: Leica Earned Ire of Bieber-verse After Leica S2 Refused to Take Photos of Him

Chris Gampat The Phoblographer Leica S2 product photos (1 of 9)ISO 1600

Weekend Humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. So don’t. We’re serious, ya rube.

About a month ago, Jurgen Stöfenböf, Justin Bieber’s tour photographer, decided to up his game with the purchase of a Leica S2. Up until that point, Stöfenböf had been using whatever camera was available at the Duane Reade closest to the concert venue because Bieliebers don’t care. They’ll take anything and everything. Since he was making more money than his photos will ever be worth, Stöfenböf decided to take his craft seriously, so he went from a $15 instant camera to a $25,000 medium format goliath. There was, however, a problem. A line of code in the S2’s sensor caused all images of Justin Bieber to change into images of kittens.

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Weekend Humor: DxOMark and Leica, a Tale of Intrigue, Vengeance, and a Terrible Score

Leica M9

Weekend Humor isn’t supposed to be taken seriously. So don’t.

It was a report that left the Leica-toting section of the photography world flabbergasted. DxOMark, the website known for its endless camera testing that serve no practical purpose, recently declared that “the Leica M9, M9-P, and ME Type 220…offer some of the worst image quality” on a full-frame sensor. They were three hairs short of saying, “Leica’s latest cameras are full of poopy.” That article was published on March 6. Eight days later, DxOMark released a statement in which the article’s author apologized for his remarks. Leica doesn’t take criticism lightly, and they made sure DxOMark understood that. Head on past the break for a tale of intrigue, vengeance, and one lone writer who was willing to stand up to a company full of Germans in this exclusive report obtained by us here at The Phoblographer.

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Weekend Humor: Hipster Extraordinaire Trent Janssen Releases Picasso Instagram Extension; Renders All Images Cubistically

weekend humor Les_Demoiselles_d'Avignon (1)

Courtesy of the Museum of Modern Art

Weekend Humor isn’t supposed to be taken seriously. So don’t…we’re serious.

The real world just isn’t enough for Trent Janssen. Thoroughly dismayed after being rejected an entry to an exhibition, Trent decided to take on the art establishment again through the use of his iPhone. After downing several cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon and an organic free-trade GMO-free tofurkey burger, he sat at his computer and wrote a substantial amount of code that resulted in an Instagram extension that renders images in the Cubist mode because “nobody does Cubist things anymore”. Modern art scholars voiced their vitriol and Instagram responded by taking it down. Yet another rejection for Mr. Janssen. We reached out to him again to hear his side of the story. Continue reading…

Weekend Humor: Sony Intern Develops a Sensor Capable of Capturing a Googolplex Pixels

DSC-RX1_main_jpg

Weekend Humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. So don’t. We’re serious.

Bob Willard was an intern at Sony Corporation of America before he was fired for being a “cheeky son of a b****”. Willard was tinkering with an RX1 when he asked no one in particular, “How can I make the best camera that no one will buy?” Seemingly dejected when no one replied, he slumped back in his chair. After a minute, he placed his hands on his keyboard and screwed around with the coding for the RX1’s sensor. Several lines of code later, the RX1’s sensor’s capacity exploded to a mind-numbing googolplex, that is 10 raised to the power of a googol. Sony America’s CEO Port Manteau said of Willard, “That cheeky son of a b****. Get him the f*** out of here.”

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Weekend Humor: Olympus Tech Outfits E-P3 With X-Ray Filter

Chris Gampat the phoblographer ep3 review (6 of 7)

Editor’s Note: Weekend Humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. So don’t, you jerk.

It was an accident of creation. Jackson McDonough had just been transferred to the Camera division from the Medical division of Olympus America. He had devoted his life to developing medical technologies when the higher ups saw fit to move him over to the other side. McDonough regarded the camera division with a certain degree of apprehension, and he sought to find a way to bring a little of the medical division into the camera field. After some initial tests, McDonough succeeded in outfitting an E-P3 with an X-Ray filter. His Instagram? Filled with boobs! Continue reading…

Weekend Humor: Hipster Denied an Entry to Art Gallery After Saying His Thoughts Are Photos

That's the surefire way to trap a hipster.

That’s the surefire way to trap a hipster.

Weekend Humor isn’t supposed to be taken seriously. So don’t.

Late last month, Trent Janssen was unanimously rejected by the panel of jurors at an exhibition in MoMA PS1. The exhibition was designed to feature new photographers with an optional competition should they have decided to have their work judged. Trent thought he could enter the exhibition by claiming that his thoughts qualify as photographs. The judges flatly said, “No.” We at the Phoblographer reached out to Trent to hear his side of the story. Head on past the break for an exclusive interview. Continue reading…

Weekend Humor: Instagram Releases Dining Filter; All Food Shots Are Instantly Deleted

Point taken.

Point taken.

Editor’s Note: Nothing in weekend humor is supposed to be taken seriously. So don’t.

We reported recently on how New York City restaurants are sick and tired of patrons taking nifty snapshots of their meals. There has been a substantial uptick in food photography, so much so that you can’t follow someone without getting at least one shot of an early-evening-late-afternoon snack. Realizing the potential PR-disaster, Instagram recently released the “Dining Filter” which will delete any food snapshots it detects.

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Weekend Humor: Adobe Set to Release CS7; CEO Says, “Don’t Even Try”

photoshopcs6_557x200

Editor’s Note: this post is not at all meant to be taken seriously. It is all just in the effort of good fun and a new experiment that we’re trying.

With Photoshop CS6 quickly approaching its first birthday, Adobe decided to ramp up efforts to release the next generation of its Creative Suite software.

CS6 brought a wealth of new features to the table that, more often than not, took the editing out of editing. Among them was the Content Aware Patch that could fill in a portion of the photo that wasn’t there originally. Say your landscape is marred by an unsavory boulder, you can send it back to the depths from whence it came with the Content Aware Patch which could replace it with the rest of the grassy knoll, if you like.

Rumors have abounded about what Adobe would work into CS7. There have been wish lists and hit lists for features that many wanted added and killed in the next iteration. Internal memos leaked to us have shed an interesting light on what Adobe’s engineers have been creating.

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