Weekend Humor: Why Auto White Balance’s Feelings Are Hurt

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Weekend Humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. So don’t. We’re serious.

In a recent blog post, Ibarionex Perello wrote about the perils of using auto white balance in that it can deliver inaccurate results. He urged the reader to err on the side of custom white balance and presets in order to get a better understanding of light. Unfortunately, Ibarionex didn’t realize how sensitive auto white balance really is, and what follows is a short, yet emotional, letter that Auto White Balance wrote.

Hey Ibarionex,

What the hell man! I thought we were friends. I know we don’t talk, and you only called me up to write that post. But I’m so majorly hurt. You kicked me out to the curb! I know I can be a bit of a crapshoot when it comes to color, but put yourself in my pixels and see how well you do. It’s not easy, but I’m trying.

Now that your thoughts about me have been made public, how am I ever going to make friends? It’s hard out there for AWB, and those guys you work with don’t like me at all! Chris won’t talk to me. Gevon’s okay, but he hardly bats an eyelash. Julius and Felix both roll their eyes at the mere mention of my name, and Mikey no likey. I’m like the friend that recommends beer based on your mood, and moods are ever changing! So I’m not always going to get right, but when I do, it’s awesome.

Now, I’ve got nothing. Here I am cooped up in my apartment next door to Auto Exposure Lock, and no one is knocking at my door. I’m going to cry myself to sleep tonight. My life is over. You killed my future. What was, no longer is, and never will be. I’ve been eating a tub of Ben & Jerry’s Pixel Pistachio while writing this  letter. I’m sad, fat, and alone, and you just rolled me out to pasture.

Ugh, whatever. GOODBYE.

-Auto W. Balance

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