Bad Photo Tip: How to Get Your Camera Into a Music Venue

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If your area is getting back to having concerts again, get excited. It means the virus is coming under control. But you probably want to shoot photos, and that’s going to be kind of tough to do. Many music venues don’t really want a camera that can produce professional or commercial images. They don’t know that you’re probably just doing this for fun. But, even though they may assume you’re press because of the camera you have, there are still great ways to get your camera into a music venue. 

Bad Photo Tips is a new, satirical series that provides the best photography tips on the web. You won’t find these tips anywhere else on the internet, not even YouTube.

The key here is to make your camera look so small that they don’t take it seriously. What you’ve got to do is split it into two pieces. Put the camera in one pocket and put the lens in another. Every millimeter counts, so don’t even put the body caps on the cameras: just let the sensor be bare. The more pocket-size and portable your gear looks, the less likely they will take it away from you. 

When they see the camera, tell them that it’s a super small one just for selfies. More importantly, tell them you just bought it right before you got to the venue, and you’ve got the receipt to prove it. Chances are they’re not going to ask. Instead, they’ll glance right past.

When they get to your lens, make a joke with them that it’s a thermos and that you’re sneaking in drinks. They’ll laugh. We’re pretty confident that they’ll just let you in. And you can tell them all about those meme thermos lens mugs from the 2000s. Better yet, if you tell them your grandpa gave it to you as a gift, they’re not going to take it away. Always remember to smile too.

Now that you’re in, you can grab a drink, go to your spot, and assemble your camera. Before you do that, though, blow on the sensor. Fill your lungs up with air, hold your breath, and then push it all out in a concentrated burst onto the sensor. Do the same thing to your lens. Then put the camera together. Just in case, though, you’ll probably want to wipe the sensor down with your t-shirt. Like we used to do in the 90s, you can use spit on your shirt and wipe it down. 

Now get ready to shoot. We recommend using your camera’s automatic mode. After all, you spent thousands of dollars on a camera, and it should be able to do everything automatically for you. As your favorite performers come on stage, have fun photographing them. Try to use the fastest camera drive mode you can. That way, you can capture them doing crazy movements when possible. 

When you’re all done, use your camera’s Wifi function. This will beam the images to your phone. Put them on TicTok, Instagram, Behance, Facebook, and any other platform. The lint on your sensor will look like organic film grain that you’d otherwise work in post-production to get. 

Bad Photo Tips are satirical. Don’t take these seriously. They’re just for fun.

Chris Gampat

Chris Gampat is the Editor in Chief, Founder, and Publisher of the Phoblographer. He also likes pizza.