Street photography is pretty much as simple as going out and shooting photos of people in public–but there are the street photographers that do it better than everyone else and then there are those who do a lot of marketing. Indeed, there are terrible photographers with lots of gigs and sales and conversely there are photographers with great work and no gigs or sales. But the world of the Street photographer is different.
It gets even tougher when it comes to street photography for the reasons that your income will mostly rely on licensing and print sales from galleries. So how do you ensure you’ve got the work that counts? Here’s how!
Shoot Photos of Pretty Women from Behind
It’s a known fact that photos of pretty women get you attention. I mean, come on: look at Instagram! The best images out there are those of women who take selfies! So on that same train of thought, you’re going to need to photograph these women. However, if you photograph them from behind, then what you’re going to do is add an air of mystery to the entire photo.
You see, as people browse the internet and photos, they tend to just flip through casually. But when you photograph a pretty woman from behind, magic happens. Someone is going to sit there and say “I wonder who that is?”
This is one of the biggest secrets that most of the world’s most famous street photographers won’t tell you.
In Fact, Shoot Everyone from Behind
If you photograph pretty women from behind what you’ll start to realize is that eventually due to your tendencies, you may photograph everyone from behind. When done correctly, it works with the rules of Urban Geometry. The people in the scene simply become nothing else but geometric shapes that no one will truly care about.
Think about it in the same way that your job thinks about you: you’re just a drone. On that train of thought, that’s why you want to leave so badly. Instead, you should be the one simply using everyone.
Photograph the Poor and Vulnerable
One of the best things that you can possibly do for the good of humanity is photograph the poor. For many years, photographers have been doing this to try to bring attention to the world’s poor. Thankfully, it’s been helping–children are no longer sex slaves, folks get paid fair wages, and greed is down overall in the world!
What you need to do is grab your camera, go out there, give a hobo a dollar, and then shove your camera in their face.
In turn, this will make the entire internet react with hearts, retweets, sad face emojis, etc. Your image could even break the internet.
Shoot Only Black and White
Real street photographers only shoot in black and white. Indeed, there is no other way to shoot street photography. The problem with color is that it doesn’t look classic enough and Henri Cartier-Bresson never did it. Nor did Mary Ellen Mark or most of the classic Magnum photographers. The only reason why they became so famous has to do with the fact that they just shot in black and white.
That’s yet another secret that no one will tell you.
Buy a Fuji
Real digital street photographers only shoot with Fuji cameras because they’re the only ones that can help you capture the decisive moment. It’s weird, if you tote along your crap-tier Canikon camera, then you probably won’t find anything cool. But you see, Fuji cameras have a mystique about them where street photography subjects just come right at you. It’s like you don’t even need to work for the shots at all.
To do this, simply put the camera’s aperture and shutter speed modes into anything but A mode–but ensure to set your ISO to complete Auto.
Screw That, Shoot Film
Once you’ve realized that Fujifilm cameras are really just for the photographers starting out, the time will come for you to buy a Leica. This will let you shoot film–and film is absolutely best for street photography. You need to go out there and consistently support Kodak by shooting Tri-X and nothing else.
Well, digital cameras can only come so close to the look of film; but they’re just not there at all. Real street photographers know this.
Know this: Everything You Shoot is Amazing, So Put Everything on Instagram
When you shoot street photography, know that everything you put up on the web will instantly get all the emojis and all the praise. You’ll even get an unlimited amount of those hand-clapping emojis. Why? Because everyone loves to look at images of whatever is going on on the streets. They don’t get to sit around and pay attention because traffic is too thick. So it’s your job to do it.
In fact, it’s your responsibility and you have absolutely no other function in society but to do this.
So go snapping away and put everything on Instagram. Literally, everything.
PS: Do I really need to say that this is satire?