Weekend Humor: Adobe Set to Release CS7; CEO Says, “Don’t Even Try”


Editor’s Note: this post is not at all meant to be taken seriously. It is all just in the effort of good fun and a new experiment that we’re trying.

With Photoshop CS6 quickly approaching its first birthday, Adobe decided to ramp up efforts to release the next generation of its Creative Suite software.

CS6 brought a wealth of new features to the table that, more often than not, took the editing out of editing. Among them was the Content Aware Patch that could fill in a portion of the photo that wasn’t there originally. Say your landscape is marred by an unsavory boulder, you can send it back to the depths from whence it came with the Content Aware Patch which could replace it with the rest of the grassy knoll, if you like.

Rumors have abounded about what Adobe would work into CS7. There have been wish lists and hit lists for features that many wanted added and killed in the next iteration. Internal memos leaked to us have shed an interesting light on what Adobe’s engineers have been creating.

According to one document, CEO Nila Kanjalali was referring to “self-proclaimed iPhone self-portraitists” when she said “Don’t even try.” That is to say that CS7 will do all the work they wouldn’t know how to do in the first place. According to another document, CS7 will feature the word “EDIT” in large, friendly letters next to the photo imported to the library. Ms. Kanjalali said that what happens next would be considered “magic by their standards”.

Users have the option to disable this simplified feature, but will then be faced by something akin to the cockpit on the Space Shuttle Endeavor. Ms. Kanjalali could not be reached for comment, but a senior executive did disclose that Adobe is seeking to “maximize the editing experience by providing users with every editing option possible”.

The EDIT button, it seems, is a ruse to keep would-be Instagram photogs at bay. Actual photographers will rejoice in what is known as the “flight deck”, the full set of editing options. Rife with sliders, buttons, brushes, and filters, the “flight deck” is an editor’s paradise.

I was granted early access to a beta version of CS7, and I speak for some when I say, “I have no idea what’s going on.” I have been a photographer for roughly five years now, and I haven’t seen something this complicated since AP Calculus in high school. After several failed attempts at navigating the flight deck, I found myself backtracking to the nifty EDIT button that made otherwise garbage photos rather pretty to behold.

The unfortunate result of using the nifty “EDIT” button is that each image is watermarked with a small, yet clear “edited” at the bottom right of the image. It’s unclear exactly which audience CS7 is geared for as it seems only Adobe engineers can navigate the program.

Although, according to one document, the lead engineer said, “We’ve made a huge mistake.”

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