Memories change with time. They become vivid, the details change, the places differ, or they wither away with time. The color of the sky on the day you received your first pet or when you proposed to your partner will fade as you age. That’s why memories—while cherished—can be deemed unreliable. It occurs at a time of grief, for instance, the untimely demise of a loved one. After the magnitude of the situation has been comprehended or processed, one finally begins to make peace with it. Here, the tangibility of an image—a monument of your past—makes photography a crucial tool for remembrance.
At times when grief can overwhelm you, photography becomes one of the means to heal the aches of your loss. A prime example is Cheryl Haggard’s non-profit organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Established in 2005, after Haggard lost her son six days following his birth, the organization aims to help parents process, accept, and honour their babies’ memories after stillbirth. While some find the concept overwhelming or peculiar, the non-profit helped thousands of families process the agony of losing a child.
Stillborn births or infants dying after a few days is not a new phenomenon. Per the data provided by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) about 21,000 babies are stillborn every year in the United States. These numbers affect non-Hispanic Black women the most, as opposed to non-Hispanic Asian or Pacific Islander and White women. The reasons include quality healthcare, pre-existing health conditions, and structural discrimination.
During times like these, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is crucial to keeping the social fabric intact while helping individuals heal. As of 2023, the organization has 1,700 volunteering photographers from across the globe, and since 2005, they have captured 70,000 portraits. If you wonder how photographers capture poignant images, the answer lies in the quality of training and resources for healthcare professionals.
For those still horrified by this idea, let us remind you of the post-mortem or memento mori (meaning “remember you must die”) portraits of the Victorian era. The black-and-white images, often making the subject appear as if they are asleep, were the only means to cherish the memory of a beloved child. Historically, the 1850s were also when fatal diseases plagued children: measles, diphtheria, or scarlet fever. With little to no means to save them, many parents turned to photography to document their children one last time. However, as medicines began to advance, there was a sharp decline in the portraitures of the dead. Even people’s perceptions on the matter, too, began to differ. Now, over a century later, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is finding meaningful ways to destigmatize portraits of the deceased. For instance, the images are candid, and parents often hold their children in a loving embrace. It could be the first and the last photograph they make of their child before their memories begin to blur with time.
Much like the beauty—or pain—of birth photography, stillbirth photography is the need of the hour. While it may not suit the ethics or understanding of many people, such initiatives give better clarity about the issues of our society. For instance, in many third-world countries, parents don’t even get the opportunity to take a picture of their stillborn infant. Instead, they are asked to “forget” and move on. Others would blame the mother, than the circumstances.
As life is cherished and death becomes a taboo subject in many cultures, photography is the only means to hang on to the reality they lived for a fraction of a second.