He realized that the flash was too much for him and went about taking photos of everything. But after a while he started to really see that it burned his cat’s whiskers, and many other things.
It’s pretty hilarious: and he reckons that it’s best for porn. Just in case the post goes down, we’ve copied it for you after the jump.
OK, so let’s get this out in the open, right from the start, I’m a stupid shit for buying this speedlite. An undisputed idiot.
I bought a Canon DSLR and immediately thought I was an expert and of course I needed the the best speedlite on the market. Yeah, baby! I’m gonna be the king of photography in my family!
So I do all kinds of scientific research, you know, watch a shitload of youtube videos and finally determine that the Nissin Di866 Mark II Flash is the speedlite for me! This sucker is huge! Bounce head with all the fancy bullshit the REALLY expensive Canon speedlites have, and it only cost me $350! What a deal! Check this out, it’s even got a color display on the back that displays all the options and shit! There are like a million settings on that display, I swear there’s probably a Netflix app on this flash somewhere.
This speedlite has a Guide Number of 198, I shit you not, One Hundred and freakin Ninety Eight! I thought this meant it was bright. What I didn’t realize is that 198 means it’s like 500 times brighter than the sun.
Within an hour or so, my cat’s whiskers were burnt off, the curtains were smoldering, and granny had developed cataracts from this damned speedlite!
What I did notice, however, was that every single photo was so brightly and evenly lit. There was nary a shadow to be seen. Where had I seen this before? It looked so familiar…….and it came to me….PORN!
The only sensible use for this speedlight is porn. This light rays this speedlight produce will work their way into every nook and cranny of the human body and light them perfectly. Nothing will be left to the imagination! Imagine the possibilities! If you are a pornographer (or aspiring pornographer) you NEED this flash!
Try this link to see all the features of the flash. Seriously, I don’t know what any of it means. I thought I did, but obviously I was mistaken.
So I paid $350 for this sucker. It’s in perfect like new condition, box, case, all that shit. I used it that one time until shit started catching fire from the little nuclear flashes, and put it away before I burned the house down.
Make me an offer. But don’t be a douchebag about it, ok? I’m already feel shitty enough about granny’s eyes, and I’m going to have to pay for her cataract surgery, so keep that in mind before you decide to gimme lowball offers like a hundred bucks or something. I know you pornographers make better money than that!
And listen, I consider myself a pretty progressive guy, you can use this flash to film straight or gay porn, or even the in-between kind. I don’t care! I’m not gonna judge you!