Weekend Humor: Criminals Get More Sophisticated to Achieve Better Mugshots

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Courtesy of the Sydney Living Museum.

Following a report earlier this week about snazzy mugshots from the ’20s, criminals have taken it upon themselves to get sophisticated. The traditional bodega heist has become a far more stylish affair with the common suspects ditching sweatpants and t-shirts in favor of three-piece suits and top hats. Originally an uncomfortable affair, mugshots have become all the rage for up-and-coming criminals in the past several days.

Dennis McGraw was a small-time crook who frequented bodegas for Snickers available under the five-finger discount. He’s never been caught, but that changed when he saw our post on vintage mugshots. “You really inspired me to dress nicely,” McGraw wrote, “Before I usually resorted to my gray hoodie and blue sweatpants, but now I want to steal in style.” He also revealed to us that he went so far as to purchase a replica revolver.

During his latest bodega heist, McGraw was dressed in a three-piece suit with his faux-revolver sitting comfortably in its holster. He ambled over to the register, held up a Snickers, and said, “Mah, see. I’m not payin’ for this, see? MAH!” When the cashier protested, McGraw brandished his revolver, and waved it rather carelessly in the cashier’s face.

The cashier pressed a button underneath the register, and the police arrived nearly instantly. McGraw held the revolver down at his side, and was smoking a Lucky Strike cigarette when the popo burst in the front door. “’bout time, coppers,” McGraw said, “You’re never goin’ t’catch me, see?! MAH!” He the tried to run past the cops who clotheslined, cuffed, and carted him away.

His mugshot was a throwback to the golden age of mugshots. One corner of McGraw’s mouth is slightly upturned, and he has one arm across his chest, the other holding a Lucky Strike with a plume of smoke dancing up into nonexistence. His eyes are looking at something off camera. He’s proud of his mugshot, and uploaded it to Facebook the moment he got out of the clink.

Illegal downloads of Justin Timberlake’s “Suit & Tie” spiked alongside the rise in stylish crime.

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