Weekend Humor: Chicago Sun-Times Alters the Terms of its Rehire Contract

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Weekend Humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. So don’t, ya rube.

Word on the street has it that the Chicago Sun-Times is in talks to rehire a handful of the photographers fired in May. If the plan works, four photographers will be rehired, and the rest will each get a lump sum of $2,000. The four that will rejoin the Sun-Times will have to, among other things, do extensive video work. The Sun-Times, however, has added a clause that will require the rehires to use iPhones exclusively.

“We know we did a sh***y thing when we fired them,” a Sun-Times official told us over the phone. “We also know that $2,000 is really a kick in the nads, but really, it’s all we can afford now that our circulation has diminished.” That diminished circulation can be attributed, at least in part, to the firing of the photography department back in May.

“What the f*** were they thinking?” said Jon Struthers, an ex-reader of the Sun-Times, over the phone. “How could they possibly think they’d slip by with photos even your mother wouldn’t post on Instagram?” Struthers’s anger was echoed among several other ex-readers we spoke to. Issues of the Sun-Times following the layoff showed a tragic slump in photographic quality. The clearest photos were in the dining section because the Sun-Times siphoned photographs from the Instagram feeds of several teenage girls.

“We can only take some of them back,” said the official. “If they think they’re getting Sun-Times-issued equipment, they might as well stay home and take the $2,000.” In order to continue its commitment to smartphone photography, the Sun-Times will equip each of the four photographers with a corporate-branded iPhone.

Along the back, it will say, “Sun-Times: We do fotos rite.”

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