Last Updated on 10/19/2013 by Julius Motal
Weekend Humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. So don’t, ya rube.
High school yearbooks rank among the most unread texts in the entirety of Western literature. Aside from being a ramshackle collection of awkward memories, the yearbook is a terrible picture book for many. The dread that accompanies Picture Day is so palpable that the lunch lady could scoop it onto your tray. With acne’s tragic status as a perennial problem, Tiffen decided to engineer a new kind of filter, one that could make pimples, zits and boils disappear for a fraction of a second.
Available in a variety of threads, the NS (Neutral Skin) Filter is able to detect the dominant skin tone and blur it over the spots where puberty is being a bastard. High school portrait photographers cleared out Tiffen’s supply when the product was released because most were tired of dealing with the cheerleaders “constantly fretting over the angle of their hair”. When the science club kids at NY High heard about what the NS Filter could do, they cautiously approached the photographer who set up his studio with those wretched backgrounds in a corner of the gym.
“Yesh, I’m so happy that Tiffen makesh my fashe look nishe,” said Billy Harrison, a 17-year-old student and president of the Math Club at NY High. In his photo, he looks like a clean-cut kid with a face as smooth as butter. In reality, his face is a mosaic of splotches and bumps, so much so that Tiffen had to release the NS-AD Filter, that’s Neutral Skin Acne Destroyer.
Whereas the NS Filter can work with a moderate amount of acne, the NS-AD Filter can work with an extreme amount of acne. The latter works to find “true tone” which are the islands of regular skin surrounded by an ocean of puberty. The filter then extracts that tone and spreads it over the affected areas.
Harrison acknowledged that he’s peaked at 17. He hopes that he’ll be a bit less splotchy by his high school reunion in 25 years.
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