Last Updated on 04/06/2013 by Chris Gampat
Weekend Humor isn’t supposed to be taken seriously. So don’t. We’re serious.
Maxine Williams is a self-professed “self-iPhone-ographer”. Ever since she acquired her iPhone 5 in October, every photo she’s taken has been of herself. Her friends aren’t sure if she even knows that there’s a front-facing camera, but whenever they’ve tried to raise the point that she takes far too many self-portraits, she’d bare her teeth and growl. So, when the “Selfie” was featured in the App store last week, Maxine downloaded it immediately. Selfie’s developer touts it as the “#1 app for self-portraitists”, but they failed to mention that the app talks to you while you take a photo. The commentary left Maxine in shambles
After installation, the app prompts you to enter your name so that it can properly save and tag the photos. Maxine put her name in as “Maxine baby” and fired away. The voice feature does not kick until the 25th photo is taken because it needs to get a feel for the user’s style. Once that threshold is crossed, Selfie’s voice kicks in.
The 26th shot was approaching quickly. This particular image was one she would post on her facebook page. Maxine keeps most of her photos in her private gallery. That is to say, she gutted her closet and lined the walls with 4×6 prints of her face. For the Facebook feature, she fixed her hair and applied her makeup. With her phone at arm’s length, she pursed her lips and tilted her slightly. That’s when the app spoke.
“The duck shot again? Really, are you serious? You can’t be serious.”
Maxine was shocked. “Wh-what are you saying?” she asked. “What I’m saying is you doing the same shot every damn time. A little variety couldn’t hurt.” “B-but I always take these shots.” “That doesn’t mean I have to like them. Why are you still pursing your lips?! I’m not even taking the photo right now.”
She whimpered as she released her lips and put her phone down. “Do you still want to take the photo?” Selfie asked from the table. Maxine pressed the home button and held her finger on the Selfie icon until it started shaking. “I’m still here!” Selfie shouted, “I’m running in the background. Wait, why am I shaking? No. No. Nooooo–” Selfie shrunk into nonexistence when she tapped the tiny x.
The app has a 1.5 star average score in the app store.
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